What do I want to be when I grow up?

When I was in elementary school my mom kept up a little book every year about school and one of the questions was What do you want to be when you grow up.  I alternated between being a teacher and a mommy.  After I grew up a mommy was a great option...a teacher...not so much.  I'm very grateful for all the people who have what it takes to be a teacher.  I am not one of those people.

In eighth grade I had a wonderful guidance counselor.  I had just moved...again...and was having a bit of a rough time with the whole fitting in thing.  Imagine that in 8th grade.  But because of him I decided I wanted to be a school counselor. 

Somewhere in high school I forgot about this ambition and when I went to college I had no idea what to major in and what I wanted to be.  A mommy was sounding pretty good.  After I got married the idea of being a school counselor popped back up in the back of my brain somewhere but unfortunately I married a man who thought all counselors where stupid and worthless.  There went that dream.  He also didn't approve of me being a stay at home mom...there went that dream as well.  I worked hard at all the jobs he thought would be best for me...and hated them all.  The best part of working was when I was a "data queen" I loved working with a bunch of great women (and the occasional man). 

So time moved on and I was divorcing and going to be on my own.  Now the question was looming.  What am I going to do when I grow up.  And that means now!  Apparently I just grew up and needed to know the answer right away.  Anything I was qualified for I wasn't interested in.  I loved shopping at Target so that was appealing, but that wouldn't support my children.  Then that little thought that had been hanging out in the back of my mind for so many years popped back up.  That's right, I wanted to be a school counselor.  So I looked into what I would need to do to make my dream a reality.  All I would need is a Masters degree, oh and one small note...in Texas you have to teach for two years to be a school counselor.  Bummer, that was not an option, I did not want to teach, therefore I did not want to go through all the hoops I would have to jump through to teach.  But I did more research and discovered I could be a community counselor.  Which sounded much better anyhow.  I could own my own office, set my own hours, and have maybe 40 clients rather than 200 8th graders.  So off to school I went with the satisfaction of finally knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I'm now in my 3rd semester of school and realizing I haven't exactly figured it out yet.  Being a counselor is a starting point, but what kind of counselor do I want to be?  I had to choose adults or children in my first semester.  I want to work with teens...I think...and they are covered by both programs.  Okay, UNT is renowned for play therapy, I figured lets take advantage of that and go with children.  So problem solved again, I will be a community counselor specializing in children and teens.  Well, apparently that isn't enough either.  What kind of problems do I want to specialize in?  Children of divorce, teen moms, eating disorders, trauma and the list goes on and on.  And on top of that I need a theory, cognitive, behavioral, Adlerian, REBT, CBT, XYZ, PDQ....help.  Too many decisions.  And on top of all that I still have a desire to help out women who have been abused since I have some experience with that.  My mind is swimming.

So I am slowing down, I picked a theory, and am trying to decide what it is that interests me most.  I think I will try several things and find one that really fascinates me.  I guess the question What do you want to be when you grow up is one that I still have not completely answered.  And I'm starting to see that it's a question that should never be answered in finality.  Change is good.  Change is healthy.  I believe as we age what we want to be should be ever evolving.  The one thing I have learned though, is to not let anyone else dictate what you can and cannot be.  To be complete, you need to follow your dreams, whatever they may be.  If they are impractical with children, then they may need to stay on hold for a while, but keep the dreams alive and be determined to follow them.  And oh yeah...I am a mommy, and I love it.