Chocolate

So the other day I burned my tongue on a spoonful of chocolate fondue.  If I have to burn my tongue I can think of no better way to do it.  To me chocolate is the perfect food.  I had a friend once say that she hoped that there was chocolate and fruit in heaven.  I'm just hoping for the chocolate, the fruit would just be a nice side benefit.

I am hopelessly addicted to chocolate.  I have to have some every day.  I lost a ton of weight a while ago and would go weeks without chocolate.  I can't imagine how I did that.  I've got to have something chocolate.  I try and rid my house completely of chocolate so I can get over my addiction, but I always find some somewhere.  Or I bake something.

The absolute best form of chocolate is the brownie.  But not just any brownie, for some reason brownies from a mix are so much better than completely homemade.  I keep trying to find a recipe that makes amazing brownies, but nothing compares to a mix.  And I have a favorite mix.  My kids have all sorts foods that they cannot eat so we have to eat the good chocolate.  And Ghirardelli makes an awesome brownie mix.  And Costco carries a huge box of this amazing brownie mix.  Which translates into great brownies whenever the mood strikes.  (Just an FYI...if you run out of eggs and choose to use applesauce instead like the internet suggests, it doesn't work so well.  They still taste fantastic, just really super gooey.  We had to eat them with a spoon.)  Oh and don't be putting any nuts into the chocolate brownie...that is not allowed.  Additional chocolate chips are encouraged.

I have become a chocolate snob in the past few years.  Since we figured out the kids couldn't have regular chocolate like Hershey's or Nestle's and we have had to have Ghirardelli's a lot, a Hershey bar or a Kit Kat just doesn't do it for me anymore.  Now in a pinch I might just have to make myself eat a regular chocolate bar, but luckily they sell the good stuff at Target and Wal-Mart.  And Sprouts has the best malted milk balls, we never buy anything healthy at that store, just candy.  (For non-locals Sprouts is a healthy food store.  Most people in line have bags of veggies and fruits...not us...we have our bags of chocolate.)

I married a chocolate lover as well.  That is good and bad.  I don't feel guilty anymore when I really want some chocolate...he usually does too.  But then if I say I really want some chocolate I don't have that other voice that says, we really shouldn't.

So what is the food you cannot do without?  The food you will go to huge lengths to obtain at times.  And does anyone have an amazing brownie recipe that rivals my box mixes?  I would love to have one on hand when my mixes run out.  We live too far from the grocery store and sometimes a girl just has to have her chocolate.

There are three types of people in the world

As the title promised, people can be categorized into three types.  Male, female and alien.  While that may be true, this post is about being visual, auditory or kinesthetic.  I read about this from a book called How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less by Nicholas Boothman.  I don't remember how to get people to like me, but I do remember the part about the different types because it is fascinating.

Basically it boils down to how you interact with the world.  Do you respond best by seeing, hearing or touching?  And of course many people are a combination.  I am far and away kinesthetic, I definitely go through the world touching things.  I can't walk through a store without touching anything that has an interesting texture.  And a fabric store, forget it, everything in there is getting touched.  My husband is kinesthetic as well so it works out very well for us since we experience the world in much the same way.  Although you may get a laugh if you go shopping with us.

One of my daughters is visual.  It's so interesting the conversations we have, especially about clothing.  For me comfort comes first, then I worry if it looks good.  She is the opposite way so we will be out shopping and she will try on something.  I'll say, "it's super cute, but is it comfortable?"  And she will roll her eyes and say who cares, if it's cute that is all that matters.  Since we both are aware of the way we experience the world we can laugh about it.  But when you are not aware some real clashes can occur.

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For example the words you use are tied to your type.  If you are trying to talk to another person and you are visual and you may use sentences like, "Can't you see the problem?", "Can you visualize what I'm talking about here?" If the other person is auditory they may not get it at all.  You may need to adjust and say something like, "Can you hear what I'm saying?"  "Does this sound right to you?"  And of course if you are kinesthetic like me you need sentences like, "Does this feel right?"  "Can we touch on the subject a bit more."  This is something I need to actively think about when I'm counseling so I can better relate to my clients.

Have you ever had the experience with a spouse or a child that never seems to understand what you are saying?  You think you must be speaking another language because they do not understand what you are saying.  The truth is, you may be speaking another type of language, one they cannot relate to properly.  If you take the time to speak in terms they can understand, you may suddenly be heard (or felt or seen :-)

My oldest daughter and I love to play the game of guess what everyone's type is if we are in a people watching type of situation.  Visual is super easy to identify, they are well dressed, well groomed and usually look very put together.  Kinesthetic is pretty easy too, they are usually wearing comfortable clothing.  If a man has facial hair they are almost always kinesthetic.  Auditory isn't as easy, but they will be the ones with the headphones in their ears or talking non-stop.  And of course no one is completely in one category, we all use the different senses at different times, but it helps to know what is dominant.


So what are you?  It actually took me a long time to figure out which I was.  For years I was living a life where I wasn't being true to myself.  I kept trying to convince myself that my life was something that it wasn't.  When I broke out of that, it suddenly was extremely obvious that I was kinesthetic.  I had buried my need to experience the world through touch and by doing that had buried my personality a bit as well.  By figuring out how you and the different people around you experience the world it can open up paths of communication that did not exist prior. 

So figure out what is your type.  And of course I always love to play games so if you want me to try and guess your style I'd be happy to :-)

Love

"Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love, and you cannot track that, not with a thousand blood hounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords"...Buttercup in The Princess Bride.

Love is such an amazing thing.  It has so many forms and unique qualities.  You can love everything from chocolate cake to your soul mate and lots of stuff in between.  When you give away love, it comes back to you (kind of like losing weight...the pounds always seem to come back).  When you have to spread love around it multiplies rather than divides (unlike my bank account).  You can love someone and hate the choices they are making.  You can love someone when you don't even like them.  The love a mother has for her children is amazing.  They can drive her crazy day in and day out, but she would give her life for them in a heartbeat if needed.

There is the love you have for a partner or spouse.  Sometimes it fades over times, sometimes it grows stronger and stronger as time passes.  Sometime you think you are in love, but really have no idea what true love is.  But when you find true love it is amazing.  To have a partner that is truly that...a partner... is wonderful.  Having someone who loves you as much as you love them.  Who cares about you and always wants the absolute best for you and you want the same for them.  I had always thought loving someone meant constantly compromising for them.  I have recently learned that when you really love someone, you want the best for them and in giving them the best you have to offer, it doesn't feel like a compromise.  Especially since your partner is doing the same for you.

Of course this topic has been on my mind because of Valentine's day today.  It's been interesting to see the various posts on Facebook ranging between professing love to hating the day.  I personally like the day because it's all about love and showing those you love that they are important to you.  And I know that we are supposed to do this every day...and I really think I do let my kids and husband know every day how much I love them...but if someone wants to throw some chocolates and flowers my way today...bring it on!!

Even if you aren't married or in a relationship...think about the people (or animals, or even chocolate cake) you do love and what you love most about them.  See if you can figure out a way to let them know that today.  And just like a boomerang, your love will be returned to you.  And you usually receive more than you gave out.  So kinda picture throwing a boomerang and when it comes back it's covered in layers of yummy chocolate.  (And I googled chocolate boomerang after writing this and there is such a thing...so now you have a visual :-)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone...have a wonderful love filled day...and don't forget the chocolate!!

Kindness

Okay...I will come out and admit it.  I am not always kind.  That is actually a little hard to say because I really do try and be nice to everyone.  Well most everyone that is.  There are a couple people in this world that I have stopped trying to be nice to.  But this is something that has come up a couple times this week for me, so I'm thinking about it a bit.

First, we watched the movie Pay it Forward.  While it made me cry it also made me think.  How often do I just think about doing something nice for someone, but then forget about it or think it would be too hard or generally talk myself out of it. 

Next, one of my amazing sisters-in-law posted this article about being kind to others as a way to improve yourself.  http://positive-thoughts.typepad.com/positive-thoughts/2011/02/kindness-.html  In addition I have been reading up on thinking positive and finding out that the vibes you send out are the ones you get in return.  Which makes complete sense, I just needed a reminder.

I want all the good vibes in the world to come my way, so I'm trying really hard to be grateful for what I have now and look forward to a time when I have something even better.  Which is super easy when it comes to stuff like my husband...he's easy to be kind too and be incredibly grateful for.  But not so easy when it comes to stuff like my non-winter friendly house.  But luckily, the house is temporary and the husband is permanent so I do have that going for me!

Have you ever looked at an old person and known immediately if they had a life of happiness or sadness, or if they were interminably grumpy?  Their wrinkles really tell the story of their lives, did they smile more or were they frowning all the time.  I really want happy wrinkles.

So I have this game I like to play.  Whenever I go to a store I try and make the check out clerk smile.  I want to make their day a little bit better than before I stepped up to pay.  I haven't been playing it as much lately and I'm not exactly sure why.  So this weekend I am going to get back in the groove and see what I can do. It always makes me feel better, and I'm hoping the person on the other end feels a bit better as well.  Only one time has it backfired...I was back east visiting my parents and I went to the movies.  I was being super friendly and nice to the ticket guy and I swear he thought I was going to kidnap him or something.  It was pretty funny to see the fear on his face because someone was being kind.  Funny but sad as well.  I remember when I first moved to the South a guy started chatting with me in the pet food aisle at the grocery store.  I was terrified that he was going to do something terrible to me.  Now I have turned into that chatty person and love striking up a conversation with most anyone.  I much prefer living in a place that friendliness is accepted not feared.

I do wrestle with something though.  How kind is too kind?  Or is there any such thing as too kind?  Should we stand up for ourselves at times rather than being walked all over by someone who takes advantage of your kindness?  Or is there a way to be kind while standing up for yourself.  I would love your opinion on this.  Also I would love to hear about a time when someone was kind to you and it made a huge difference in your day.  I need some inspiration as I embark on my quest to be more kind to everyone.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

When I was in elementary school my mom kept up a little book every year about school and one of the questions was What do you want to be when you grow up.  I alternated between being a teacher and a mommy.  After I grew up a mommy was a great option...a teacher...not so much.  I'm very grateful for all the people who have what it takes to be a teacher.  I am not one of those people.

In eighth grade I had a wonderful guidance counselor.  I had just moved...again...and was having a bit of a rough time with the whole fitting in thing.  Imagine that in 8th grade.  But because of him I decided I wanted to be a school counselor. 

Somewhere in high school I forgot about this ambition and when I went to college I had no idea what to major in and what I wanted to be.  A mommy was sounding pretty good.  After I got married the idea of being a school counselor popped back up in the back of my brain somewhere but unfortunately I married a man who thought all counselors where stupid and worthless.  There went that dream.  He also didn't approve of me being a stay at home mom...there went that dream as well.  I worked hard at all the jobs he thought would be best for me...and hated them all.  The best part of working was when I was a "data queen" I loved working with a bunch of great women (and the occasional man). 

So time moved on and I was divorcing and going to be on my own.  Now the question was looming.  What am I going to do when I grow up.  And that means now!  Apparently I just grew up and needed to know the answer right away.  Anything I was qualified for I wasn't interested in.  I loved shopping at Target so that was appealing, but that wouldn't support my children.  Then that little thought that had been hanging out in the back of my mind for so many years popped back up.  That's right, I wanted to be a school counselor.  So I looked into what I would need to do to make my dream a reality.  All I would need is a Masters degree, oh and one small note...in Texas you have to teach for two years to be a school counselor.  Bummer, that was not an option, I did not want to teach, therefore I did not want to go through all the hoops I would have to jump through to teach.  But I did more research and discovered I could be a community counselor.  Which sounded much better anyhow.  I could own my own office, set my own hours, and have maybe 40 clients rather than 200 8th graders.  So off to school I went with the satisfaction of finally knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I'm now in my 3rd semester of school and realizing I haven't exactly figured it out yet.  Being a counselor is a starting point, but what kind of counselor do I want to be?  I had to choose adults or children in my first semester.  I want to work with teens...I think...and they are covered by both programs.  Okay, UNT is renowned for play therapy, I figured lets take advantage of that and go with children.  So problem solved again, I will be a community counselor specializing in children and teens.  Well, apparently that isn't enough either.  What kind of problems do I want to specialize in?  Children of divorce, teen moms, eating disorders, trauma and the list goes on and on.  And on top of that I need a theory, cognitive, behavioral, Adlerian, REBT, CBT, XYZ, PDQ....help.  Too many decisions.  And on top of all that I still have a desire to help out women who have been abused since I have some experience with that.  My mind is swimming.

So I am slowing down, I picked a theory, and am trying to decide what it is that interests me most.  I think I will try several things and find one that really fascinates me.  I guess the question What do you want to be when you grow up is one that I still have not completely answered.  And I'm starting to see that it's a question that should never be answered in finality.  Change is good.  Change is healthy.  I believe as we age what we want to be should be ever evolving.  The one thing I have learned though, is to not let anyone else dictate what you can and cannot be.  To be complete, you need to follow your dreams, whatever they may be.  If they are impractical with children, then they may need to stay on hold for a while, but keep the dreams alive and be determined to follow them.  And oh yeah...I am a mommy, and I love it.

Entering the World of Blogging

I have been wanting to write a blog for some time.  I had one a while ago, a typical blog updating the grandmas about the family, but it never came out how I wanted it to.  Now that I have changed my life quite a bit I've been wanting to start over.  One of my hangups though was the fact that I am not a great writer.  Which interferes with one of my aspirations in life which is to write a book.  So, this morning, as I was reading a friend's blog she inspired me.  The best way to become a better writer is to write.  I have spent a lifetime pretending my life was something it wasn't and now that my life is wonderful, it's still hard for me to present myself as I am.  I am afraid to admit that some things are still not perfect.  Which is silly, I know.

So here I am, simply a normal average person with normal average fears and aspirations.  One of those aspirations is to be inspirational.  I want to live a life that makes other people want to be better.  I want to be the sort of person who when you meet you think, wow, my life is somehow better because I met her.  I know it's a high aspiration and not one you can exactly work on attaining.  For example, I have a new sister-in-law that I really admire.  I have only met her once, but she is amazing.  She heads up fundraisers, she works with college women in crisis, coaches local basketball teams and does an amazing amount of good for the people around her.  I barely know all the things she is involved in and I am blown away...imagine if I really knew her well.  I have a friend that went through a terrible marriage and is finally divorced and on her own.  It isn't easy, but she inspires me everyday with how she handles life.  I have a friend with eight children and she makes it look easy.  I go to school with many amazing people who have had huge trials in life and all they want to do is help others.  I am surrounded by inspiring people and I hope one day to be like them.

For now I am simply Jen.

Happily married to an amazing man who believes in me.  

I have three wonderful children that some days drive me crazy and some days blow me away with their abilities.  

I am addicted to chocolate and weigh more than I would like.  

I enjoy playing stupid games on my phone and love posting on Facebook.  

I am fascinated by people.  

I love going to school.  

My house is messy more often than it is clean.  I rarely get all my laundry put away.  

I like working out, sometimes.  I would walk for miles in the morning if I had a girlfriend to walk with me.  

I'm not enraptured with my house anymore, as someone said, it is not winter friendly.  In fact I hate winter, being cold hurts.  My husband has noted that my optimum temperature is 78 degrees...77 is too cold, 79 is too hot.  I am designed to live in Hawaii.  

I cry easily and I laugh even easier.  

I love enjoying life, I really do.  Some of my favorite times are when I am with my husband and children and we are all being silly and laughing.

That, to me, is what life is all about.