My new addiction

I have never run anywhere in my life.  I was that girl who was always chosen last for the kickball team.  I came in last in the 100 yard dash.  I would attempt to run from time to time and about 10 seconds in I would get a cramp and my ankles would hurt.

I was not a runner. 

(Um...ignore the fish...not sure why it's there...but the picture was perfect otherwise so I used it.)

Walking I could do forever.  I walked every weekday morning for years.  I loved it.  But do not make me run....ever!

I am now a runner, or at least a beginner runner.  Not sure what the term for that would be, maybe brunner?  I have finished 3 races and am planning the next ones out.  I am working toward a half-marathon.

So what changed?

Here is my theory.  When I went back to school I started to realize that at the end of the semester I was always changed.  Something inside of me had shifted, I had more knowledge, I had more skills, I had different ways of looking at people.  I started to look forward to that change.  I would sit at the beginning of the semester and think about how much growth would occur during that semester and then at the end I would reflect about how much growth did happen for me.

Now not all semesters were the same, I can't say my basic stats class was life changing, but my diversity class wasn't life changing, it was life altering.  I look at the human race in an entirely different light.  But after every single semester I had grown.

I noticed quickly after finishing school that I missed that feeling.  I missed the feeling that I would be a different and better person in four months.

The other element that was going on was the fact that I am a counselor.  As a counselor you almost never get to finish anything.  People rarely finish out counseling and even when they do they don't come back and tell me how much better they are doing.  It happens occasionally (I think twice for me since I started a year and a half ago), but more often I am left hanging.  Money runs out, time runs out, I fix the problem the parent brought the child in for so they stop bringing them even though the child has so much more going on etc.  So I don't get the satisfaction of a job well done, or even just finished, very often.

I had a supervisor point this out to me and tell me how important it was to have hobbies that produced results.  I needed to have that finish in my life.

This got me to thinking about all the hobbies I had abandoned during my schooling.  Also I was frustrated with the amount of weight I put on during my schooling.  And one thing led to another and before I knew what was going on I had downloaded a couch to 5k app on my phone.

I followed it faithfully, it wasn't easy, but it was possible.  Soon I started seeing that I was wishing I was running more days a week, but I followed the program exactly (only running 3 days a week).  Before I knew it I was running a 5k distance and was ready for my first race.

I was so nervous about this race, I wanted to run the entire race and I did not want to come in last.  I was really worried about coming in last because I ran so slowly.  And you know what...I did it, I ran the entire race and I did not come in last.  A 60 year old race-walker beat me, but lots of other people were slower than me.  Lots of people had to walk part of the race, but not me.

I had completed something and it was addicting.

Fast forward a few months and I have now completed three 5k's each time 2 minutes faster.  I am going to run a 10k in two weeks and I am training for a half-marathon.  I had no idea I had this in me.

But I have that satisfaction back.  Running is something where I know if I follow the schedule and do the training I will get better.  Today there is no way I could run a half-marathon distance, but if I stay on my schedule I know for a fact that I will be able to do it in March.  And I love that feeling, that feeling of knowing I will be a different person in a few months. 

So here is my challenge to you if you are a person who doesn't get to see the end result very often (maybe you are a mom?). You have probably have many goals, but pick one that is doable on a schedule.  Pick one that if you do each step you will get better, you will become a different and better person.  It doesn't have to be school or running.  It can be anything, but find something in your life that if you do something towards it every day you are practically guaranteed to be a better person in a few months.  I promise you it will lift you spirits and make life a little easier to get through.

Not all goals are like this.  For example, the goal of keeping the house cleaner.  Sure I can clean more often and enjoy a cleaner house, but it's going to get messy again so it's never really finished.  Find a goal that is finishable.  (I know, not a word, but you get it right?)  There is something, for me, about crossing a line that says finish that is so rewarding.  I completed my goal.  There was a definable end point.  I will continue to run, I will make new goals, but that goal for the moment is completed.  I even got a big sign that says I completed it :-)

Go for it, figure out what it is that is going to make you a better person in a few months and start at it.  See how far you can go.  I will bet you can go farther than you ever imagined.  Right now I cannot imagine ever signing up for a marathon, but you know what....I am doing something I thought was impossible every single day.  Who knows what the future holds for me?  Who knows what I can accomplish.  And that is addicting!

What you don't know...can hurt you

It's amazing what has happened since I divorced and talked about my experiences.  I've learned I was not alone.  I was not the only one suffering in silence.  In fact I have had several friends tell me they were or are going through the same thing.  While we were good friends...we were both hurting, but not talking about it.  We could have become each others support, instead we hid behind a facade and lost the chance to figure out we were not alone.

How often do we do that?  With abuse or many other things...not talk about it and think we are all alone.  In fact, I'm finding it hard now to think of anything that could happen to me that could only happen to me...and not to anyone else in the world.  Perhaps if I were kidnapped by a deranged man in a monkey costume...but I'm willing to bet that has happened somewhere before.

My point is by being afraid to speak up, we stay alone.  We stay in the pain.  So many times I have been told by friends and clients that they were surprised at the support they received once they told someone what was happening.  Now I'm not saying to broadcast everything that has happened to you.  But when you tell someone you trust, you open yourself up to help, support, love and many other things you probably need.  By staying closed up you carry the entire load, when you share the load becomes so much lighter. 

There is risk involved in sharing.  I know from experience before I opened up I imagined all sorts of horrible things that would happen to me.  I'd say about 1% of those things happened.  And by sharing not only did I discover a world of support, I also headed off some terrible stuff that was said about me.  Because I had opened up and people knew my story, knew what was going on in my life, when rumors did start to fly, enough people knew the truth. Especially the people who mattered to me.

If you are in any sort of pain, from abuse, a loss, or any other imaginable circumstance...maybe you can find someone you trust.  Or if you can't trust anyone...perhaps find a counselor (they have to keep it confidential) and start talking.  Try sharing your burden.  Stop carrying it alone...I promise you...someone else is going through exactly what you are going through.  You never know...it could even be a close friend.

You never know

As most of you know I have been in school for the past year and a half or so.  I have learned a ton in that time.  I have become a slightly different person...for the better I believe.  I don't have experience with any other sort of Masters program so I can't honestly compare, but I really think that the nature of my program is different than most.  I think that by being in the counseling program, being taught by counselors, and having all my peers having a counseling frame of mind is much different than say getting your MBA or masters in Biology.

 

VS.

 

 One of the most important things that is stressed about my program is getting to know yourself.  You have to figure who you are and where you stand to be able to help others.  So in this program you do a lot of self-reflection and sharing with classmates.  One of our favorite phrases is...we need to process that...or how are you processing that?  Until this program I've never had a teacher come into class and ask me how I felt about the reading we did for the week.  I know for some this style of teaching would drive you crazy, but for me it is perfect.  I absolutely love it and have enjoyed getting to know myself better and understanding others a bit more clearly.

While I have learned so much in this past year, the absolute most important thing I think I have learned is that you never ever know what someone else is going through.  It seems like time and time again I walk into a classroom and think..."wow that person really has it all together."  They are so pretty, skinny, they are wearing cute clothing or after they introduce themselves they seem to have lots of experience and how could I possibly compare.  I am twice their age and haven't done near the good they have in the world.  Then out of the blue during a class they reveal something about themselves.  I don't know if students in the counseling program have gone through more than the average population, or if I'm just learning more about the people around me more than I normally would, but wow...there is a lot going on in every single person's life.

I have been blown away time and time again about what people are going through, the pain they are experiencing or have experienced and and amazed at their desire to help others.  It has definitely changed my view on others.  When I start being jealous of someone because it seems like they have it all together, I now start thinking about where is it that they are not perfect.  I used to think that some people just got to skip having major trials, but I have learned that is absolutely not true.  This past year I have met people who have or have had eating disorders, serious illnesses, depression, gone through abuse, lost loved ones to suicide, been deserted by loved ones, been rejected because of their sexual orientation, had prior drug or alcohol addiction or been close to someone with those addictions.  The list goes on and on, and I know this is only the surface, this is just what people are willing to talk about in class.  

I've also learned that not only does everyone have trials in their life and things they must go through, but that it is possible to get through these trials.  I am surrounded daily in school by people who have gone through something and come out the other side and now want to help others navigate through that same issue.  I am continually amazed at the resilience of people and how it is possible to keep moving on.  It doesn't mean that they have had their trial and now they are golden for the rest of their life...no, often the trials continue.  But it is possible to continue on...it is possible to keep moving.

So I am taking on a new look at people.  I'm starting to see the pain in people that they are trying so hard to hide.  I'm seeing the difference between really being happy and faking being happy.  I'm noticing that even when things look perfect on the outside, there is a possibility that they are not, and it isn't my job to judge what others may or may not be going through.  It is my job, as a human being, to be kind, loving and accepting and help when someone is struggling.  Instead of asking why on earth did so and so do that....I need to ask what might so and so be going through and how can I help? 

The Creativity of Jen

Today is my last free day before school starts up for me again.  I have a training I have to attend tomorrow so it will be all over and my time eaten up.  But I managed to get a few projects done this week.  First can I say how dissapointed I am that my youngest has not brought home one single piece of artwork to put up on my new wall?  I've been waiting for this week to be able to start using my Wall-O-Frames.

Anyhow...so a long time ago when I had less children and more time I made a scrapbook of every year the kids went to school.  It was simply a book filled with some schoolwork throughout the year and the class pictures and awards and such.  My poor youngest child just started 3rd grade and has yet to get a book.  She will pour over the other kids books for hours.  Finally yesterday I made her a 2nd grade book.  I showed it to her this afternoon and she got the biggest smile on her face and rushed downstairs to look at every page.  Then to top it off when her friend came over to play she spent at least a half hour showing her the scrapbook!!  Mom just got some bonus points!!

On to the next project.  I found this on Pinterest:

And so I made this:

I absolutely love it.  As you can tell my jewelery collection is pretty small and not that great...but now it has a much better place to be rather than the ziploc baggie it has been in for the last year.

Finally I saw this on Pinterest:

And thought...how cute...I can do that quickly and it's a project I have everything I need already around the house.  And made it look like this:

And I'm feeling pretty crafty today.  Now what to do with the whole roll of wire I had to buy to make the jewelery holder...anyone want to pay me to make them one?

Sharing

I'll admit it...I'm not great at sharing.  Some things I will share no problem...like if you want some old piece of junk that is taking up room in my garage I'll happily share that with you.  Or if you want to help pay for my groceries...I would gladly share my bill with you.  I will also share my amazing recipes with you (I have two).  But when it comes to most things I'm not very good about it.

For example, if you want my last bite of chocolate cake and I was really loving it...I probably wouldn't share it with you.  Or if you ask to borrow my sewing machine...hmmmm...I'd really have to think about that one...probably wouldn't share it either.  My husband is fantastic at sharing.  He always offers me the last piece of dessert.  He always makes sure I am comfortable and happy before he is.  I think anything I asked for he would share with me.

I remember growing up I didn't have to share much.  I was the oldest of three children and my two brothers were 5 and 7 years younger than me.  So I never had to share a bedroom.  After 7th grade I didn't even have to share a bathroom.  I didn't have to share my toys. I got my own phone line in high school (before cell phones...it was a big deal back then.)  I even had my own truck to drive that I didn't have to share.  And I don't recall it being taught to us to even share our food.  I remember snacks being pretty much a free for all, if you were too slow you missed out.  So I guess I can "blame" my childhood for my lack of wanting to share :-)

I have the hardest time sharing my kids.  I know it's part of being divorced...having to share the kids.  I will come out and say it...I hate it.  I don't like not being able to hear about their school day every Thursday.  I don't like missing out on a month of summer with them.  I don't like having to move Christmas every other year.  It's better than being married to their father and I do understand why I have to share them.  I know they need to see their father and their father needs time with them.  But even though I understand I can still dislike it.

It is really hard on Thursday mornings when I say goodbye to them on their way to school to know I won't get to see them again until Friday after school or every other weekend it is until Monday after school.  That part just doesn't get any easier.  I was hoping it would get easier...I try to think of the benefits...I get to sleep in on Friday mornings.  I get a date weekend with my husband every other weekend.  And yes I do enjoy those benefits, but they are not worth having to share my children.

I do my best to fill up the time they are away from me with stuff that I don't want to have to do while they are around.  For example this summer while they were gone I took an extra class.  During the school year I make sure I do all my homework during the day so I have plenty of time for them when they are here.  I don't sit and brood all day or anything.  But that pang of heartache that hits me each Thursday morning catches me every time.

 

The one great thing about sharing my children is every time they come back home I am so glad to see them.  I get a chance to appreciate them and not take them for granted each and every week. This is how I get through the times they are away.  I think about how excited I will be when they come home and I make sure my own batteries are recharged so I can be the best mom ever when they walk back in that door.  The first hour or so after they get home is always a magical one for me.  They catch me up on everything that happened while they were gone and they ask what I did.  For a small moment in time everything is perfect, they don't fight and everyone is so happy to be back together again.  It's that moment that makes having to share worth it.

My attempt at home decorating

I love to create things, but home decorating has never been a forte of mine.  I have great ideas in my head, but they don't usually work out or I never have the guts to try them.  So recently I have been inspired to try a project.  First I saw this great idea of a gallery wall on my friend Kristen's blog.

Then I was playing around on pinterest and found this:

I've been wanting a way to show off the kids artwork rather than on the fridge and here was the perfect idea.  So I took my boring wall in the dining room...

...then I went garage sale hunting for picture frames and ended up with these...

...after taking out the artwork (yes, I felt a little bad about it, but it was being sold at a garage sale) I slapped some paint on the frames...

...I love how I can make it sound like it took me a few minutes to paint the frames...it actually took me a few days, but the process was still fun.  I also outlined each frame on newspaper and messed around with the design I wanted for a while.  Then I hung everything up and I ended up with this.

 Each of the empty frames has a clip to hang artwork from.  I wish I had a great camera to get an amazing shot of the wall, but you will have to imagine how it actually looks.  I can't wait to get some artwork home from school to start filling up the frames.

I will probably add some design elements to the wall as I find them.  Once I get some curtains my dining room should be decorated...at least decorated enough for me.

Time Part 2

So I have been working on my little experiment...trying to do something for someone else real quick before I sit down to "take a break".  I'll be honest, it isn't easy.  But I am getting some things accomplished that just need to be done.  I haven't done a whole lot, but in the last 48 hours I have sent my parents a thank you for visiting us last weekend, sent a quick note to someone I had been thinking about but never bothered to tell her that before, apologized to my daughter for not being available right when she needed me, wrote in the journal I keep for my daughter (the last entry was 3 years ago), called a friend instead of just emailing her and probably a couple other small things.  Nothing was huge, but it was all stuff sitting at the back of my mind waiting to be done. 

 What I am finding most though is how often I sit down and play for a few minutes.  Wow, those minutes must add up.  When I can't come up with something to do for someone else off the top of my head, I do a chore instead.  I do something that needs to be done and is more important that playing my next word in Hanging with Friends.  And guess what, the chore gets done and I still get the word played.  I'm still wasting time, but I'm getting those little things done as well.  It literally feels like I have somehow bought a couple extra minutes each day.  Now granted the last 48 hours have not exactly been really busy or stressful.  The real test will be when school starts back and I'm actually busy instead of trying to fit in swimming and date night into the same day.

So I consider this little experiment a success and will continue to try and condition myself that before I sit down for a break I be sure to do something for someone else however small it may be.  I'm hoping all those little deeds will add up like my down time has certainly added up.  And maybe someday I will be spending more time on those little deeds than I am wasting time.

Now I am getting off the computer so I can paint my little girls nails :-)  Much better use of my time I would say!!