Sharing

I'll admit it...I'm not great at sharing.  Some things I will share no problem...like if you want some old piece of junk that is taking up room in my garage I'll happily share that with you.  Or if you want to help pay for my groceries...I would gladly share my bill with you.  I will also share my amazing recipes with you (I have two).  But when it comes to most things I'm not very good about it.

For example, if you want my last bite of chocolate cake and I was really loving it...I probably wouldn't share it with you.  Or if you ask to borrow my sewing machine...hmmmm...I'd really have to think about that one...probably wouldn't share it either.  My husband is fantastic at sharing.  He always offers me the last piece of dessert.  He always makes sure I am comfortable and happy before he is.  I think anything I asked for he would share with me.

I remember growing up I didn't have to share much.  I was the oldest of three children and my two brothers were 5 and 7 years younger than me.  So I never had to share a bedroom.  After 7th grade I didn't even have to share a bathroom.  I didn't have to share my toys. I got my own phone line in high school (before cell phones...it was a big deal back then.)  I even had my own truck to drive that I didn't have to share.  And I don't recall it being taught to us to even share our food.  I remember snacks being pretty much a free for all, if you were too slow you missed out.  So I guess I can "blame" my childhood for my lack of wanting to share :-)

I have the hardest time sharing my kids.  I know it's part of being divorced...having to share the kids.  I will come out and say it...I hate it.  I don't like not being able to hear about their school day every Thursday.  I don't like missing out on a month of summer with them.  I don't like having to move Christmas every other year.  It's better than being married to their father and I do understand why I have to share them.  I know they need to see their father and their father needs time with them.  But even though I understand I can still dislike it.

It is really hard on Thursday mornings when I say goodbye to them on their way to school to know I won't get to see them again until Friday after school or every other weekend it is until Monday after school.  That part just doesn't get any easier.  I was hoping it would get easier...I try to think of the benefits...I get to sleep in on Friday mornings.  I get a date weekend with my husband every other weekend.  And yes I do enjoy those benefits, but they are not worth having to share my children.

I do my best to fill up the time they are away from me with stuff that I don't want to have to do while they are around.  For example this summer while they were gone I took an extra class.  During the school year I make sure I do all my homework during the day so I have plenty of time for them when they are here.  I don't sit and brood all day or anything.  But that pang of heartache that hits me each Thursday morning catches me every time.

 

The one great thing about sharing my children is every time they come back home I am so glad to see them.  I get a chance to appreciate them and not take them for granted each and every week. This is how I get through the times they are away.  I think about how excited I will be when they come home and I make sure my own batteries are recharged so I can be the best mom ever when they walk back in that door.  The first hour or so after they get home is always a magical one for me.  They catch me up on everything that happened while they were gone and they ask what I did.  For a small moment in time everything is perfect, they don't fight and everyone is so happy to be back together again.  It's that moment that makes having to share worth it.