Getting Hurt

Have you ever been hurt?  I have.  I think one of the worst parts of getting hurt is when the person hurting you  refuses to acknowledge that they hurt you.  Another hard part is when almost no one around you believes that you have been hurt...that perhaps you are over reacting or making it up.  It is so incredibly validating when someone can look into your eyes and tell you they believe that you are hurting.

How do you handle being hurt?  My go to defense mechanism is to ignore it and hope it goes away.  I'll save you some trouble and let you know...that doesn't work very well....no that doesn't work at all.  Another way I deal is to retreat within myself...this only works if the person hurting you realized they hurt you because you have stopped talking.  If the person is self-centered and doesn't care...this will not work.

I forgive pretty easily, but this is part of my ignore it and hope it goes away.  It's really easy for me to make excuses for everyone around me...like they didn't know they hurt me or they didn't mean to do it.  As soon as they are nice again I can say to myself...see I was right...they weren't hurting intentionally.  But does intentionality matter?  If the person was made aware they hurt you shouldn't they apologize?  Shouldn't they do everything they can to not hurt you again?  I know I have hurt others...I still feel bad for stuff I did or said way back in high school or college.  I have apologized where I could, but some people I cannot find.

I had a couple of old boyfriends contact me purely to apologize.  What an amazing experience that was.  I wasn't even holding on to the hurt, but it felt really good to know they had felt bad about something they had done and were trying to make amends.  It's amazing though how the people who come back and apologize only hurt me a little bit, I hadn't even really remembered it.  But the people in my life who really really hurt me have never even thought about apologizing.  So I wonder if there is someone out there that I owe an apology to.  I know there is at least one person out there that thinks I owe them an apology because I didn't stick around when the hurt they were inflicting on me got to be too much.  But that is something I will not apologize for...I cannot see any good reason for a person to wait around and see how much more hurt will be inflicted upon them.

It is very freeing and empowering to live a life where you are not worried every day if it will be a good day or a bad one.  It is wonderful to know that if the one I love accidentally hurts me...he notices right away and will apologize and figure out what went wrong.  I still tend to ignore the hurt or retreat within myself.  But I'm slowly learning that the best way to handle this is to let the person know they hurt you.  How can they apologize if they had no idea.  After you let them know you have done your job...it is up to them what they will do with that information.  Easy to talk about...but so hard to do.  I have someone right now I need to confront and let them know that what they are doing is hurting me...but it is so hard for me to do.  Partly because I fear they will laugh it off and ignore me...but who knows...maybe they will acknowledge it.

So...do I owe you an apology?